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I’m in the brink of giving up on my dreams. That day on the hospital was probably my saddest day ever. You know how I hate rejections and all the things that come in between. I feel defeated; I am on my lowest. The moment I saw you, my already crumbling walls collapsed. I put up my last energy fighting off stupid tears falling from my tired eyes. I really want to hug you, and to just disappear on that very moment. I cried my heart out to you not even caring about the people who might see me on that dramatic scene. I just want to hug you and cry out my damn disappointments and frustrations. You told me then that everything will be okay, but we both know it won’t, at least immediately. I love the kindness and warmth of your voice, how you want to stop tears falling because it really hurts you more seeing me crying. I love how you assure me that everything is going to be okay and that it is not my fault. I love how you were with me, in that exact place and moment.

My gray skies are hanging low again. If not today at least tomorrow or the next day, I know everything will be okay. Thank you for being my constant light despite of my stormy life right now. Together with my family you are my strength, my compass and inspiration. I love you more than you’ll ever know.

Young Love

1. We are young and in love. We have almost every time in the world. A lot of people questioned our love. But we choose not to care, not to give a flying fuck.

2. We are happy. We laugh like there’s no tomorrow. We texted and call each other non-stop. We update each other over a span of nano or even milliseconds (that was an exaggeration, I guess).

3. I am keeping up with your lifestyle. The most unhealthy ones I guess pisses me off, but I manage to understand. I am guilty of tolerating your unhealthy habits because I want you to understand and do things by yourself. It is not really my image to nag.

4. I am overly sensitive at times. The Queen Bitch during that time of the month. I get my darn mood fucking swings. I can turn your world 180 or even 360 degrees. I am selfish and numb when I want to. I can be cynical and distrustful. I hold grudges and I can even break your heart.

5. But despite it all, I am still here understanding you and your shortcomings. I am guilty of everything I’ve said above but have you ever assess yourself and see what it is like to be someone like you?

6. Do we really need to fight every fucking week? Do we really need to exchange unkind and hurtful words? Do I need to understand you over and over and over again? Do we really need to hurt each other.

7. This is kinda frustrating. And this is pure bullshit and stupidity. Why argue if we can talk nicely? Why get mad if you can open your mind into possibilities and alternatives? This is hard, really fucking hard.

Lately..

I’ve been…

1. Reading The Night Circus and it was awesome. I definitely missed reading, Eleanor and Park was my first read this year and I’m planning to add gazillion of books in my read-bookshelf.

2. Conceptualizing art projects. yeah right. Hahaha. I am a trying hard artist. I cannot really draw well but I have this urge to sketch and sketch and sketch.

3. Finding the best art journal for me where I can write almost everything and anything.

4. Starting an exercise regimen which I can stick with.

5. Eating healthy.

6. Trying a lot of new food recipes.

7. Listening to indie music. Goodvibeeeees!

8. Smiling a lot. :)))))

9. Loving my starfish even more.

10. Stopping myself from being so insecure and doubtful of everything.

How are you people? šŸ™‚

Blank Slate

1. I like lists a lot. I really don’t know how this started but I really do like them effin lot. Reading has been a hobby of mine ever since my childhood days. Essays and paragraphs doesn’t bore the shit out of me. But there is something on lists that IĀ find amusing.Ā Probably it’sĀ the way how many times, one liners makeĀ great impact on readers.

2. I like to swear a lot. Haha. It’s my way of expressing myself, my inner being, my not-so-perfect self.

3. I like the color orange. It makes me happy and reminds me the smell of my childhood.

4. I like to blabber. It was like flight of ideas, or abstract thinking whom only I can understand.

5. I like long hugs and kisses. It makes me feel alive and well.

6. I like late night talks and confessions. Nights are indeed mysterious.

7. I like food and food and food. No explanation needed.

8. I really like to write but I really don’t know what to write….